I think...

Large breasted women should not wear tight V-neck sweaters (especially black) at a school sporting event and they should not do something called “the breast wave.” This is when you are sitting and you want to make some noise so you bend down and furiously stomp your feet so much so and with such furor that your breasts seem to pendulate from side to side. If all large breasted women sat together and did this, it would cause the earth to spin off its axis.

Sometimes you have to fly by the seat of your pants and hope your butt doesn’t get too blistered.

Good book title: Lessons from the bench.

If a product says, “As seen on TV,” you are wasting your money.

Just like it is a mistake to Google “pussy willow,” it is a mistake to YouTube “balls” or “scrotum.” Trust me.

If you dial 1-800-free-411 you get free information but if you dial 1-800-411-free you get a solicitation to a porn service. This is wrong.