Tuesday, November 20, 2007

Amusing emails

This could easily be a Lucille Ball comedy routine. This is from my 75-year old mother. She enters (and wins) county fair cooking contests. It is verbatim.

Good evening, Well I am tired of seeing cookies. On Monday I took grandma to get her ultra sound done, then to the hearing aid doctor to get those adjusted. From there we stopped to get a bit to eat and when we came out to get in the car my "pepper spray" can had exploded. It was alful. It splattered in the front, back and sides with this liquid that was in this can. Not knowing what had happened I had stuck my head in the car and got a whiff of this stuff and WOW. My membranes in my nose and eyes were on fire. I wiped as much as I could off and thought if I would turn the air in the vents on high it would air it out. WRONG as it was in the vents also. I made one more stop at the grocery. While I was shopping I had wiped my face with my hand and had pepper spray all over and now my face was on fire. On to Goshen to take grandma home. Half way home I was so hot sitting in my seat and found out I had flipped the seat heater on high when I was wiping this mess up earlier. It was about 95 or higher outside anyway. WELL after I finally got home I had to bake all these cookies for Tuesday. The first ones I didn't like so had to make another to replace it. I ended up with a formed, bar and drop. We went to the fair about 11:00, as the contest was at 12:00. I won 1st in formed and 3rd in bars. Then we walked around in the heat and humitity. I thought I was drinking enough water but forgot I had not had much to eat. I started feeling light-headed and very weak. Dad saw a first aid truck and made me go there to get checked out. My blood pressurewas 180 over 100 and pluse was 80. They took me to another first aid place where there was a doctor and they had me lay down for about 1/2 hour. By then my blood pressure was down. He told me to get something to eat and keep drinking. They even offered to take me to the car. After eating I did feel a little better, but after a while just went home. I was really whiped last night. Today I am fine. ANYWAY I will send you a copy of todays paper. You will get a kick out of the write up they did.That is my short note to you. :-) Love you, Mom

This one is to my mom from a relative. There was trouble at work one day...
This is an email from Sally, she has been so upset about this transvestite at work. This is her latest below. I guess I don't know what I would have done.

You are going to be so sick of hearing from me. Well, I found out where the transvestite went to the bathroom at. I went to the rest room around 11:30 and all 3 stalls were full, so I went over to the handicap one and as I was opening the door I glanced to the right and there he stood big as you please waiting to go. I just about had a stroke, went on in stood there for a minute trying to decide whether to leave or what to do, I couldn't even go I was so rattled and when I came out of the stall there he was at the sink in front of the handicap stall washing his hands, I went over to the other sink at the other end and washed my hands and went back to my station to work, and told my supervisor I wanted to talk to her, oh OK she said, and she walked over to the line and was going to talk to me that way. And I told her no she needed to come around to my area so I didn't have to have everybody listening. OH OK, and gave me a funny look. And she did come over and I asked her when did our bathrooms be come coed? At first she just looked at me and then started in with this business about how in Europe they do have unisex bathrooms and I told her we aren't in Europe we are here and I didn't much appreciate it. Well, you know some people do have different sexual perverse. And I said, I didn't much care what kind of a **** f***er he was, I didn't like him using the women's restroom. Then she told me I really needed to go talk to HR. I told her I wouldn't talk to him,I have no respect for that snake in the grass, and he didn't give a darn any how about us. Tom picked me up and took me to lunch like he usually does on Wed. so I got to vent my anger to him and all I could do was cry,I'd get all settled down, and the next thing I knew the tears were running again. They had a meeting after lunch yesterday saying we weren't supposed to make any kind of sexual remarks or we'd get harassment problems. So now I supposeI'll be getting written up for what I said. I don't know if I'll make the rest of this week, let alone the 3 months. Got to go.

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